Well...My 1st..couldnt resist the temptation of seeing everyone blog..so decided to succumb to temptation inspite of the fact that i dont know when ill update this next.. well..down to the brass tacks..
For the first blog...ill write a story...
There he was, lying down on his bed, tummy down, and feeling like hell was being unleashed upon him. He really couldnt believe that this could be happening to him. Lately even his friends and peers found him acting strange and weird. They thought it was a phase. Then they heard about the problem he was facing, and they thought 'ok fine, he is a strong guy, he can get past this'. But this wasnt the case, inspite of all the strength he shows outside, all the insensitivity he shows to others, he is a real emotional and really fragile inside. He cannot think rationally, and his worst flaw, well, thats his selfishness. He just cant think about anything except what he feels, and thats the main source of his depression, which he cannot realise at present.
His parents knew that something was up with him, but being understanding, they let him be. Didnt want to interfere in his private business. They thought he had enough friends for helping him out, to get him through his worst. But they didnt know that inspite of his popularity, he had his own issues. He rarely ever spoke to his friends about his life, He never spoke to anyone about his feelings, his emotions, the things which best friends usually talk about. He was an abstract person from the viewpoint of even his best friends. Whereas he just couldnt relate to any of them. Couldnt relate to his parents, his friends, nobody. He felt he was all alone in this world. It was not all true, he had friends and family who obviously cared for his well-being, but they couldnt believe that he would ever be in the state he was in now.
As thoughts of betrayal, hatred, isolation, self destruction went through his head, his parents knocked on his door. He refused to respond to their call, as he had been doing for the last week. His mother finally opened the door, to find the room to be immersed in a haze of misty darkness. The room had a damp smell of old laundry to it, There were clothes strewn left and right around the floor surrounding his bed. On his table lay a paper and a pen, he seemed to be writing a letter. His mother always respected his privacy, and never even had the urge to find out what it was about. She trusted her son beyond all else. She believed that if he had a serious problem he would come to her. His cupboard was thrown open and was a complete disarray of clothes, books and a broken photo frame. There was a locked drawer in the middle. His mother always found it weird that it was locked, but she always put it out of her mind, trusting her son implicitly. He lay on the bed, the bedsheets wet with tears. Hearing his mother enter the room, he immediately got up, wiping his red eyes, he immediately got up and screamed at his mother 'What the bloody hell do you think you are doing in my room? When i dont answer your knock, it means i dont want to be disturbed!'. His mother was quite obviously a bit perturbed by this sudden outburst of anger and emotion from his son, she had never seen this emotional side of his, no one had ever. But his mother believed in letting her son do whatever he wanted to do. She never interfered in his life, she believed in being the 'cool' mother, the mom who her son would talk about to his friends and be proud of how cool she was. She didnt want to be stifling, or strict, or seem protective. She thought it would be a positive impact on him, but didnt think of the repercussions it might have on him. His mom replied back "Rajan, You know i give you utmost privacy, but i cant help but wonder if there is something you might want to talk about,because beta, me and your father are worried about whats going on with you this week'. Rajan got mad at his mom, he never got mad at her, but this time, anything could have happen. 'You just get out of my room, Dont act like you care about what I am going through, dont act like you want to know. I have my own ways of dealing with this'. Hearing this, Rajans mom charged out of the room, more out of fear for her sons well-being than anything else. She knew something was drastically wrong, but she didnt know what to do. She couldnt talk to her husband because he worked all day and came home late every night, and never really bothered about his sons affairs as long as his sons marks were upto his expectations. She didnt have any friends of her own to approach for help. She spent time thinking about what to do, then decided to leave it alone, because she believed her son knew how to deal with it, and he jus needed time alone to figure it all out.
Meanwhile, Rajan got up from his bed with a purpose in his mind. The last confrontation he had with his mother had made up his mind. He just had to do the inevitable. He could see no other way out of it. He strode towards his table and sat down on his phone. He checked his phone, and he saw 27 missed calls in 2 days, around 47 messages unread. This was enough proof of his popularity. He jus randomly checked his messages. Most of the messages were from different people. All messages containing the standard template of the 'Hey, Whats up?' stamped all over the message. Getting irritated further and reinforcing his decision he throws the phone on the bed and picks up his pen and puts it to paper. Before he starts writing, he starts visualising the sequence of events leading to this circumstance, to this state of mind he is in. He thinks about how it all started, about the meeting that sparked it all. He realised his mistake right then, he knew he should have never taken them there, he knew he shouldnt have drank so much, He knew he should have had more presence of mind, He knew all of this, but still he didnt apply any common sense. He just let it happen, and now everything has changed, and he had no one to turn to for help. Absolutely NO ONE, and that was the most painful part.
He starts writing his letter, taking breaks to wipe away the tears from his eyes. He writes a really short letter, but it takes a really long time considering its content. He finishes off his letter folds it and places it on the table and addresses it to the recipient. Then he goes towards his cupboard,and from his pockets he takes out first, a thick wad of cash he stole from his dads wallet a week ago, secondly a nicotine patch, thirdly a paper full of a whitish powder and finally, a set of keys. He lays all this on the bed, and observes them and thinks about whats happened to his life. He thinks about his childhood, the innocence, and the trauma he has to face now. He regrets being like this, but he doesnt know where he took the wrong turn. Then he takes the paper of white powder, and puts in on the convex bridge between his index finger and thumb and takes a big sniff of it. Then dusting his hands, he takes the keys and opens the locked drawer.....................
Meanwhile, Rajans mother was watching TV. She was watching one of those serials on TV which showcase depression and its effects on a regular basis, one of those depressing programmes which end on a happy note. She wasnt paying attention to the screen, her mind was on her son and where she went wrong in his bringing up. She knew he was a bad seed, with every vice imaginable. But he still was a good guy, she knew that having vices didnt mean her son would be a bad person. He knew he was a nice person with a bright future. But she couldnt help but feel worried about him. Atlast she decided to give him some more time alone and wait till her husband comes home, and then they would have a talk with him together. Thus leaving her mind at a relative state of ease she drifted to sleep.
2 hours later, The doorbell rings. Rajans mother wakes up and opens the door to let her husband enter the house. She narrates what she has been thinking abt Rajan to him, and he agrees to have a talk with him. They discuss what they are going to talk to him about and then approach his door. Rajans mother suddenly experiences a bad premonition, she realises something will happen thats going change their lives forever, mothers instinct, the strongest instinct ever.
They knock the door first, and as expected, they receive no acknowledgment for the knock. Rajans mother pushes open the door and enters the now familiar musty room. Suddenly she spots a bright red colour on the bedsheet. Both of them suddenly run towards the bed with a sickening feeling arises from their stomach. There they find Rajan sprawled on the floor with his wrists, fingers and finally, his neck slit up. His mother becomes numb with shock, she is beyond grief that she cannot show any emotions at all. His dad being a doctor maintains his calm and bends down to check his pulse, only to confirm the worst. His dad then looks around at the scene, strewn blades all around his body and his bed. Then he looks around the room and spots the locked drawer unlocked for the first time. Curiousity makes him go and see the drawer and to his disbelief he finds a box full of blades and syringes, behind that an array of different drugs and intoxicants. And at the bottom, packets of cigarettes and every type of alcoholic drink ever imaginable. This shocked his dad to the very bone, he didnt think that his son, a doctors son, son of the most prestigious doctor in the city would destroy his name by this. He couldnt believe this was happening. He knew that he didnt feel any sense of fatherly affection for Rajan and just wanted him to do well academically. Never bothered about his other virtues and left them to develop on their own. In short, he neglected his only son. He spotted the letter addressed to him and his wife. He opens the letter to find 2 lines written on it. It read 'I am doing this because of what i have done, you will come to know about it soon. But i couldnt speak to u, couldnt speak to anyone, because i felt so unwanted, so isolated, and couldnt speak about my feelings to anyone. I felt that no one ever cared about me. So i decided to do this. I am really sorry. Love Rajan'. On reading this, all Rajans father could do was walk out of the room and call the police. After that was done, he sat down on a chair and jus stared into space, thinking of the consequences.
3 days later was his funeral. At the funeral, Rajans uncle was talking with 2 friends of Rajans who had bothered to come and pay their last respects to him. And all they could tell his uncle was that he was a nice guy, and perfect person and that his vices dont mean that he is a bad person. And his uncle nodded sympathetically saying 'I know what you mean, but i dont think Rajan knew that' and walked away....
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God knows how bad it is...excuse the little abruptness of the ending...but im dead sleepy..its 2 30 in the night..and i think i need to get some sleep.. oh well..comment..and thats it for this edition!...
For the first blog...ill write a story...
There he was, lying down on his bed, tummy down, and feeling like hell was being unleashed upon him. He really couldnt believe that this could be happening to him. Lately even his friends and peers found him acting strange and weird. They thought it was a phase. Then they heard about the problem he was facing, and they thought 'ok fine, he is a strong guy, he can get past this'. But this wasnt the case, inspite of all the strength he shows outside, all the insensitivity he shows to others, he is a real emotional and really fragile inside. He cannot think rationally, and his worst flaw, well, thats his selfishness. He just cant think about anything except what he feels, and thats the main source of his depression, which he cannot realise at present.
His parents knew that something was up with him, but being understanding, they let him be. Didnt want to interfere in his private business. They thought he had enough friends for helping him out, to get him through his worst. But they didnt know that inspite of his popularity, he had his own issues. He rarely ever spoke to his friends about his life, He never spoke to anyone about his feelings, his emotions, the things which best friends usually talk about. He was an abstract person from the viewpoint of even his best friends. Whereas he just couldnt relate to any of them. Couldnt relate to his parents, his friends, nobody. He felt he was all alone in this world. It was not all true, he had friends and family who obviously cared for his well-being, but they couldnt believe that he would ever be in the state he was in now.
As thoughts of betrayal, hatred, isolation, self destruction went through his head, his parents knocked on his door. He refused to respond to their call, as he had been doing for the last week. His mother finally opened the door, to find the room to be immersed in a haze of misty darkness. The room had a damp smell of old laundry to it, There were clothes strewn left and right around the floor surrounding his bed. On his table lay a paper and a pen, he seemed to be writing a letter. His mother always respected his privacy, and never even had the urge to find out what it was about. She trusted her son beyond all else. She believed that if he had a serious problem he would come to her. His cupboard was thrown open and was a complete disarray of clothes, books and a broken photo frame. There was a locked drawer in the middle. His mother always found it weird that it was locked, but she always put it out of her mind, trusting her son implicitly. He lay on the bed, the bedsheets wet with tears. Hearing his mother enter the room, he immediately got up, wiping his red eyes, he immediately got up and screamed at his mother 'What the bloody hell do you think you are doing in my room? When i dont answer your knock, it means i dont want to be disturbed!'. His mother was quite obviously a bit perturbed by this sudden outburst of anger and emotion from his son, she had never seen this emotional side of his, no one had ever. But his mother believed in letting her son do whatever he wanted to do. She never interfered in his life, she believed in being the 'cool' mother, the mom who her son would talk about to his friends and be proud of how cool she was. She didnt want to be stifling, or strict, or seem protective. She thought it would be a positive impact on him, but didnt think of the repercussions it might have on him. His mom replied back "Rajan, You know i give you utmost privacy, but i cant help but wonder if there is something you might want to talk about,because beta, me and your father are worried about whats going on with you this week'. Rajan got mad at his mom, he never got mad at her, but this time, anything could have happen. 'You just get out of my room, Dont act like you care about what I am going through, dont act like you want to know. I have my own ways of dealing with this'. Hearing this, Rajans mom charged out of the room, more out of fear for her sons well-being than anything else. She knew something was drastically wrong, but she didnt know what to do. She couldnt talk to her husband because he worked all day and came home late every night, and never really bothered about his sons affairs as long as his sons marks were upto his expectations. She didnt have any friends of her own to approach for help. She spent time thinking about what to do, then decided to leave it alone, because she believed her son knew how to deal with it, and he jus needed time alone to figure it all out.
Meanwhile, Rajan got up from his bed with a purpose in his mind. The last confrontation he had with his mother had made up his mind. He just had to do the inevitable. He could see no other way out of it. He strode towards his table and sat down on his phone. He checked his phone, and he saw 27 missed calls in 2 days, around 47 messages unread. This was enough proof of his popularity. He jus randomly checked his messages. Most of the messages were from different people. All messages containing the standard template of the 'Hey, Whats up?' stamped all over the message. Getting irritated further and reinforcing his decision he throws the phone on the bed and picks up his pen and puts it to paper. Before he starts writing, he starts visualising the sequence of events leading to this circumstance, to this state of mind he is in. He thinks about how it all started, about the meeting that sparked it all. He realised his mistake right then, he knew he should have never taken them there, he knew he shouldnt have drank so much, He knew he should have had more presence of mind, He knew all of this, but still he didnt apply any common sense. He just let it happen, and now everything has changed, and he had no one to turn to for help. Absolutely NO ONE, and that was the most painful part.
He starts writing his letter, taking breaks to wipe away the tears from his eyes. He writes a really short letter, but it takes a really long time considering its content. He finishes off his letter folds it and places it on the table and addresses it to the recipient. Then he goes towards his cupboard,and from his pockets he takes out first, a thick wad of cash he stole from his dads wallet a week ago, secondly a nicotine patch, thirdly a paper full of a whitish powder and finally, a set of keys. He lays all this on the bed, and observes them and thinks about whats happened to his life. He thinks about his childhood, the innocence, and the trauma he has to face now. He regrets being like this, but he doesnt know where he took the wrong turn. Then he takes the paper of white powder, and puts in on the convex bridge between his index finger and thumb and takes a big sniff of it. Then dusting his hands, he takes the keys and opens the locked drawer.....................
Meanwhile, Rajans mother was watching TV. She was watching one of those serials on TV which showcase depression and its effects on a regular basis, one of those depressing programmes which end on a happy note. She wasnt paying attention to the screen, her mind was on her son and where she went wrong in his bringing up. She knew he was a bad seed, with every vice imaginable. But he still was a good guy, she knew that having vices didnt mean her son would be a bad person. He knew he was a nice person with a bright future. But she couldnt help but feel worried about him. Atlast she decided to give him some more time alone and wait till her husband comes home, and then they would have a talk with him together. Thus leaving her mind at a relative state of ease she drifted to sleep.
2 hours later, The doorbell rings. Rajans mother wakes up and opens the door to let her husband enter the house. She narrates what she has been thinking abt Rajan to him, and he agrees to have a talk with him. They discuss what they are going to talk to him about and then approach his door. Rajans mother suddenly experiences a bad premonition, she realises something will happen thats going change their lives forever, mothers instinct, the strongest instinct ever.
They knock the door first, and as expected, they receive no acknowledgment for the knock. Rajans mother pushes open the door and enters the now familiar musty room. Suddenly she spots a bright red colour on the bedsheet. Both of them suddenly run towards the bed with a sickening feeling arises from their stomach. There they find Rajan sprawled on the floor with his wrists, fingers and finally, his neck slit up. His mother becomes numb with shock, she is beyond grief that she cannot show any emotions at all. His dad being a doctor maintains his calm and bends down to check his pulse, only to confirm the worst. His dad then looks around at the scene, strewn blades all around his body and his bed. Then he looks around the room and spots the locked drawer unlocked for the first time. Curiousity makes him go and see the drawer and to his disbelief he finds a box full of blades and syringes, behind that an array of different drugs and intoxicants. And at the bottom, packets of cigarettes and every type of alcoholic drink ever imaginable. This shocked his dad to the very bone, he didnt think that his son, a doctors son, son of the most prestigious doctor in the city would destroy his name by this. He couldnt believe this was happening. He knew that he didnt feel any sense of fatherly affection for Rajan and just wanted him to do well academically. Never bothered about his other virtues and left them to develop on their own. In short, he neglected his only son. He spotted the letter addressed to him and his wife. He opens the letter to find 2 lines written on it. It read 'I am doing this because of what i have done, you will come to know about it soon. But i couldnt speak to u, couldnt speak to anyone, because i felt so unwanted, so isolated, and couldnt speak about my feelings to anyone. I felt that no one ever cared about me. So i decided to do this. I am really sorry. Love Rajan'. On reading this, all Rajans father could do was walk out of the room and call the police. After that was done, he sat down on a chair and jus stared into space, thinking of the consequences.
3 days later was his funeral. At the funeral, Rajans uncle was talking with 2 friends of Rajans who had bothered to come and pay their last respects to him. And all they could tell his uncle was that he was a nice guy, and perfect person and that his vices dont mean that he is a bad person. And his uncle nodded sympathetically saying 'I know what you mean, but i dont think Rajan knew that' and walked away....
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God knows how bad it is...excuse the little abruptness of the ending...but im dead sleepy..its 2 30 in the night..and i think i need to get some sleep.. oh well..comment..and thats it for this edition!...
posted by Rebel Factory at 12:12 PM
16 Comments:
awesome blog!! yeah and its like ppl everywhere have started drinking and doping fr some reason or the other.. shocking!!
heyy,firstly welcome to the blog world,secondly awsome post,all the emotions very very well potrayed,especially the agony of rajan,i guess depression is something rather common coz i had my classmate going through something similar,but diagonised and treated.anyways awsome post again...
wat the hell dya mean by jus leavin it like that!! i wanna kno y he killed himself!! lol. hope thats the next powst!
anyway, glad to note u're bloggin too! everyone's bloggin..goood for me, i get to read and do a lot more online! hehe.
and yes...really really good blog to strat of with. emotions have been well elaborated, wat needs to be said, has been said - nice.. :)
well...first of all thanks for all the compliments...but i felt i ended it really badly..i had a lot of plans for the ending.. but then i had to cut it short coz i was getting really really really tired and couldnt go on with it...so twas a bit abrupt..ah well....
Amrutha-You know what ive noticed in the hostel...most guys drink and dope and all that because of depression loneliness..and above all else..peer pressure..and i see that the people who drink habitually and get drunk..they are the people who are the most depressed inside.. and never have peace of mind..and boozing is just a way of getting out of that mindset..and that makes them more and more depressed...its like positive feedback mechanism!!...lol
Vaish- I love emotions!...hehe..
Swapna(You bleddy fool!!!..lol)- Thats the point of the ending...its a mystery to why he killed himself!...lol..it kinda leaves a void in the mind of the reader..which makes it interesting na.. and thanks again di..
But u know...god knows when me shall update again..shall try tonight or tomorrow morning...time permitting of course coz me back to pondi tomorrow!...
a gr8 write! i dint understand the reason y he killed himself!!!!! is dat sposed to b suspense? lol!
Hey.. as everyone has said above me.. welcome! Interesting story that.. one that we get to hear often these days.. My only q is that.. Why didn't Rajan even try to reach out to anyone.. and why the hell did he underestimate himself so much?? Was he really that weak.. or lost his nerve??
Anyways.. abrupt ending.. not only to your story.. but also to Rajan's life!
very impressive blog!! language is simple yet strong... grippin.... but felt annoyed wen u left it without the reason for rajan's death... nevertheless...great da.... never knew that u write so well!! pls update often!!
heyy,i thought he killed himself as he had failed his mom,u had stressed upon how he had never been close to anybody ,but u also mentioned that his mum was the 'cool 'types that kids are proud to show off.mebbe deep inside he felt that he had betrayed her,in the sense let her down,broken her trust and stuff,so is that why he killed himself????
Hello! Welcome to the extremely addictive blogging world! Lol.. okay, first things first - great job!! i always knew you could write well.. (thats what everybody's going to say now).. keep it up!!
To all of u...thanks again...i have to try to let my modesty prevail!..lol..
ok..
Sujay- That is suspense...leaves the reader in the lurch..and kinda irritates them too!...hehe..
Shyam- The reason why Rajan didnt reach out to anyone was because of a combination of multiple factors which i a re-reading might make quite obvious...anyway.. Rajan was the kind a person who would never approach others for help with his problems..he would wanna solve it on his own...but in this case..he needed help..even he knew that...but he didnt want to approach people for help but expected people to offer help...which didnt happen...thats the major factor.. And yes...he was mentally weak..and no matter what he showed to the outside world..he was sensitive and emotional inside.. And i know its an abrupt ending...but that was due to circumstances beyond my control...i wanted to go on further!..but jus couldnt!...
Sruthi-Thanks Thanks and thanks again!...
Vaish- Well...yes u are close to the reason..not exactly what i had in my mind though...its not about him failing his parents...but he was disappointed at his parents failing to help him when he needed them the most.. he needed their help..which he thought they didnt extend...he didnt know that his mom jus wanted to let him deal with his own stuff...he didnt know what his mom actually felt for him.. we as a reader know this.. and the reason(major) he killed himself is jus that he felt there was no one in the world..including his parents who were there for him in his time of need...
Akhila- thanks!!
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Well...me leaving back to coll today..so really really bummed out..i mean..cmon..ive had 3 days of awesome unlimited fun...met all my friends..spent quality time with them(except maybe one or 2).. and now when its time to say bye...its kinda hard..bcoz i realise that nothing can compare to school friends!!!....ah well...better get back to packing my bags...sniff sniff!...
man, i could relate to a lot of things which u were saying in the story.
one of the greatest achievements of a blogger is to take the reader to the last line, from the first, witholding the reader's interest (excruciatingly tough job) . . . u've done that, so hats off! :)
i didnt find the ending abrupt and all! it was pretty good, in fact. but thats for u to decide right? what u expect from ur own story, what u want to convey...
i wlda thot it was more coz he let himself down.. and he automatically figures hes a rotten person if he gets into it..but yeah.. ur pretty good at this (ill try not to sound so suprised :-D) tho i have to admit the beginnin had me wonderin if it was autobiographical..(it isnt is it? IS IT?)
Well...at a net centre on campus now..this place sucks...oh well..down to business...
vbk- first of all...nice pic!..lol..and im serious!.. and thanks for the compliments...but i didnt want the ending to be like this...thats why i aint satisfied..i wanted something different..
And tejasvi- see...u seem to be know a lot abt my life....do u know how this could be autobiographical...in any way?...lol..it could be u know!!!.....
Well...about my life now...had biochem exam today..sucked it.. viva was terrible...if i gave u specifics most of u would run away because its all medical stuff...so i wont say anything...
Life otherwise has been hectic..too much studies...but fun too..
And im dead sleepy..slept for 2 hours last night...gosh...
lol! thanks. :)
see, thing is if u didnt wanna end it this way, u can use a 'to be continued' till u think of a better ending...
but yea, medical and all i dont think u'll have that sort of time on ur hands to update as often as vetti buggers like me do ;) but... its a good break, u know.. so continue with full vigor.
dude.....really nice story man...yes, the ending might need some small editing.....but its awesome otherwise
Hari thanks da!
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