Well...My 1st..couldnt resist the temptation of seeing everyone blog..so decided to succumb to temptation inspite of the fact that i dont know when ill update this next.. well..down to the brass tacks..
For the first blog...ill write a story...
There he was, lying down on his bed, tummy down, and feeling like hell was being unleashed upon him. He really couldnt believe that this could be happening to him. Lately even his friends and peers found him acting strange and weird. They thought it was a phase. Then they heard about the problem he was facing, and they thought 'ok fine, he is a strong guy, he can get past this'. But this wasnt the case, inspite of all the strength he shows outside, all the insensitivity he shows to others, he is a real emotional and really fragile inside. He cannot think rationally, and his worst flaw, well, thats his selfishness. He just cant think about anything except what he feels, and thats the main source of his depression, which he cannot realise at present.
His parents knew that something was up with him, but being understanding, they let him be. Didnt want to interfere in his private business. They thought he had enough friends for helping him out, to get him through his worst. But they didnt know that inspite of his popularity, he had his own issues. He rarely ever spoke to his friends about his life, He never spoke to anyone about his feelings, his emotions, the things which best friends usually talk about. He was an abstract person from the viewpoint of even his best friends. Whereas he just couldnt relate to any of them. Couldnt relate to his parents, his friends, nobody. He felt he was all alone in this world. It was not all true, he had friends and family who obviously cared for his well-being, but they couldnt believe that he would ever be in the state he was in now.
As thoughts of betrayal, hatred, isolation, self destruction went through his head, his parents knocked on his door. He refused to respond to their call, as he had been doing for the last week. His mother finally opened the door, to find the room to be immersed in a haze of misty darkness. The room had a damp smell of old laundry to it, There were clothes strewn left and right around the floor surrounding his bed. On his table lay a paper and a pen, he seemed to be writing a letter. His mother always respected his privacy, and never even had the urge to find out what it was about. She trusted her son beyond all else. She believed that if he had a serious problem he would come to her. His cupboard was thrown open and was a complete disarray of clothes, books and a broken photo frame. There was a locked drawer in the middle. His mother always found it weird that it was locked, but she always put it out of her mind, trusting her son implicitly. He lay on the bed, the bedsheets wet with tears. Hearing his mother enter the room, he immediately got up, wiping his red eyes, he immediately got up and screamed at his mother 'What the bloody hell do you think you are doing in my room? When i dont answer your knock, it means i dont want to be disturbed!'. His mother was quite obviously a bit perturbed by this sudden outburst of anger and emotion from his son, she had never seen this emotional side of his, no one had ever. But his mother believed in letting her son do whatever he wanted to do. She never interfered in his life, she believed in being the 'cool' mother, the mom who her son would talk about to his friends and be proud of how cool she was. She didnt want to be stifling, or strict, or seem protective. She thought it would be a positive impact on him, but didnt think of the repercussions it might have on him. His mom replied back "Rajan, You know i give you utmost privacy, but i cant help but wonder if there is something you might want to talk about,because
beta, me and your father are worried about whats going on with you this week'. Rajan got mad at his mom, he never got mad at her, but this time, anything could have happen. 'You just get out of my room, Dont act like you care about what I am going through, dont act like you want to know. I have my own ways of dealing with this'. Hearing this, Rajans mom charged out of the room, more out of fear for her sons well-being than anything else. She knew something was drastically wrong, but she didnt know what to do. She couldnt talk to her husband because he worked all day and came home late every night, and never really bothered about his sons affairs as long as his sons marks were upto his expectations. She didnt have any friends of her own to approach for help. She spent time thinking about what to do, then decided to leave it alone, because she believed her son knew how to deal with it, and he jus needed time alone to figure it all out.
Meanwhile, Rajan got up from his bed with a purpose in his mind. The last confrontation he had with his mother had made up his mind. He just had to do the inevitable. He could see no other way out of it. He strode towards his table and sat down on his phone. He checked his phone, and he saw 27 missed calls in 2 days, around 47 messages unread. This was enough proof of his popularity. He jus randomly checked his messages. Most of the messages were from different people. All messages containing the standard template of the 'Hey, Whats up?' stamped all over the message. Getting irritated further and reinforcing his decision he throws the phone on the bed and picks up his pen and puts it to paper. Before he starts writing, he starts visualising the sequence of events leading to this circumstance, to this state of mind he is in. He thinks about how it all started, about the meeting that sparked it all. He realised his mistake right then, he knew he should have never taken them there, he knew he shouldnt have drank so much, He knew he should have had more presence of mind, He knew all of this, but still he didnt apply any common sense. He just let it happen, and now everything has changed, and he had no one to turn to for help. Absolutely NO ONE, and that was the most painful part.
He starts writing his letter, taking breaks to wipe away the tears from his eyes. He writes a really short letter, but it takes a really long time considering its content. He finishes off his letter folds it and places it on the table and addresses it to the recipient. Then he goes towards his cupboard,and from his pockets he takes out first, a thick wad of cash he stole from his dads wallet a week ago, secondly a nicotine patch, thirdly a paper full of a whitish powder and finally, a set of keys. He lays all this on the bed, and observes them and thinks about whats happened to his life. He thinks about his childhood, the innocence, and the trauma he has to face now. He regrets being like this, but he doesnt know where he took the wrong turn. Then he takes the paper of white powder, and puts in on the convex bridge between his index finger and thumb and takes a big sniff of it. Then dusting his hands, he takes the keys and opens the locked drawer.....................
Meanwhile, Rajans mother was watching TV. She was watching one of those serials on TV which showcase depression and its effects on a regular basis, one of those depressing programmes which end on a happy note. She wasnt paying attention to the screen, her mind was on her son and where she went wrong in his bringing up. She knew he was a bad seed, with every vice imaginable. But he still was a good guy, she knew that having vices didnt mean her son would be a bad person. He knew he was a nice person with a bright future. But she couldnt help but feel worried about him. Atlast she decided to give him some more time alone and wait till her husband comes home, and then they would have a talk with him together. Thus leaving her mind at a relative state of ease she drifted to sleep.
2 hours later, The doorbell rings. Rajans mother wakes up and opens the door to let her husband enter the house. She narrates what she has been thinking abt Rajan to him, and he agrees to have a talk with him. They discuss what they are going to talk to him about and then approach his door. Rajans mother suddenly experiences a bad premonition, she realises something will happen thats going change their lives forever, mothers instinct, the strongest instinct ever.
They knock the door first, and as expected, they receive no acknowledgment for the knock. Rajans mother pushes open the door and enters the now familiar musty room. Suddenly she spots a bright red colour on the bedsheet. Both of them suddenly run towards the bed with a sickening feeling arises from their stomach. There they find Rajan sprawled on the floor with his wrists, fingers and finally, his neck slit up. His mother becomes numb with shock, she is beyond grief that she cannot show any emotions at all. His dad being a doctor maintains his calm and bends down to check his pulse, only to confirm the worst. His dad then looks around at the scene, strewn blades all around his body and his bed. Then he looks around the room and spots the locked drawer unlocked for the first time. Curiousity makes him go and see the drawer and to his disbelief he finds a box full of blades and syringes, behind that an array of different drugs and intoxicants. And at the bottom, packets of cigarettes and every type of alcoholic drink ever imaginable. This shocked his dad to the very bone, he didnt think that his son, a doctors son, son of the most prestigious doctor in the city would destroy his name by this. He couldnt believe this was happening. He knew that he didnt feel any sense of fatherly affection for Rajan and just wanted him to do well academically. Never bothered about his other virtues and left them to develop on their own. In short, he neglected his only son. He spotted the letter addressed to him and his wife. He opens the letter to find 2 lines written on it. It read 'I am doing this because of what i have done, you will come to know about it soon. But i couldnt speak to u, couldnt speak to anyone, because i felt so unwanted, so isolated, and couldnt speak about my feelings to anyone. I felt that no one ever cared about me. So i decided to do this. I am really sorry. Love Rajan'. On reading this, all Rajans father could do was walk out of the room and call the police. After that was done, he sat down on a chair and jus stared into space, thinking of the consequences.
3 days later was his funeral. At the funeral, Rajans uncle was talking with 2 friends of Rajans who had bothered to come and pay their last respects to him. And all they could tell his uncle was that he was a nice guy, and perfect person and that his vices dont mean that he is a bad person. And his uncle nodded sympathetically saying 'I know what you mean, but i dont think Rajan knew that' and walked away....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God knows how bad it is...excuse the little abruptness of the ending...but im dead sleepy..its 2 30 in the night..and i think i need to get some sleep.. oh well..comment..and thats it for this edition!...
